Friday, April 8

Day 3: My First Love & First Kiss

So some of you know that I'm doing this whole "30 Day Writing Challenge" thing, and while I'm not doing it daily (I just can't find the discipline!), I AM doing it. Truth be told, I've been putting Day 3 off, because I didn't want to think about it.

So here's my third. Of 30. *sighs* I'll get there. I will.

I'm going to start with my first kiss, because it came WELL before my first love. I was 13. It was at a school dance. It was with a guy who I went to school with. I'd had a crush on him since, well, forever. And I remember that for some reason, he was sitting on my lap - and that was totally okay. Weird....I guess because I was always overweight, I just accepted some things for what they were and left it at that. This was one of those things. Anyway, I remember blushing like crazy afterward, because *gasp* people SAW!! Funny isn't it? At 13, that was a "big deal". So yeah. There you go.

My first love was later. I met him when I was 16, and quite honestly, I didn't even really like him at first. I thought he was obnoxious. (If you know me AT ALL, you'll see the irony and humor here.) I thought he was cute, but remember thinking, "Too bad he's such an idiot." Well, that idiot became my best friend. And then, little by little, I fell in love with him. I'm not naming names here, because the people who read this and knew me then will know exactly who I'm talking about, and well, his identity really doesn't matter anyway.

We had a very odd relationship. I never really knew where I stood. Was I his girlfriend? Was I not? Only he ever really knew for sure - and if I'm honest, I think even that is a stretch. I know that if I showed any sort of interest in anyone else - even saying "I really like him!" because that person was interesting, smart, etc. - MFL (my first love, in case you didn't catch that OVERTLY CLEAR acronym...) was ALL about me. When I eventually decided I'd cried enough tears over him (and I remember using those exact words to my mother...) and moved on, he acted like I betrayed him. He eventually started dating someone else, and has since married her. She's not a fan of mine; I honestly don't know why, as we knew each other from our school years (I grew up in a rural Nova Scotia area - everyone knows everyone), and up until they got together, we got along. We weren't BFFs or anything, but we got along. Anyway...I saw him last spring, for the first time in probably a decade - maybe more. It was....tense. I wanted to hug him, but I didn't; I could tell that would make him uncomfortable. He seems to be well, though, and that's all that matters.

It interests me that someone who was once my entire world is now just a memory. I remember our mothers sitting and talking about our future children. Where one was, the other was; we were each others' shadow. Now? I assume he and his wife are doing well, successful, etc. - and I truly hope they're happy. He deserves to be happy. He's a really nice person. :)

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